Sunday, October 4, 2009 / 9:49 AM
God, You cannot drift away at this time. I need You, I really do.
Saturday, October 3, 2009 / 6:50 AM
I'm not going to comment on anything. I've prayed. I've prayed for you too. I just have to bear for another few months. I guess I've started to hate you alot because of her comments. I feel injustice on her part, who are you, a 14 year old girl, to insult her? But she told me not to care, she told me to ignore, just like what she's doing. I'm controlling. And for your information, your blog is the least of my concern. Thank you for that person for standing up. Because you're too immature, and you're too blinded. Worst, you've blinded your friends, what a terrible act. If Mr Chan will be blinded too so be it, if he has prayed, if God leads him, he shouldn't be taken i. I believe he's not so gullible.For clarification purposes, I've cried, yes i did when he was singing. It wasn't because I'm touched, or I'm happy, its just because I feel... well, terrible seeing a guy who doesn't know whats happening, and can go around.... I shouldn't mention.
I promised myself not to show my feelings during mid autumn, I'm tired, yes I am. Exhausted, its difficult to step out and walk away. Yet, I've survived on my own. Yes I am proud of myself.
Sometimes I wish God would do some justice, but well, I wont insult or comment. That is what IMMATURE and NAIVE people do. That is what little children do. But I'm not, so i won't care. I feel so tired, yet I'm gonna walk on, perservere, love and embrace each day by God's grace. There's nothing I can do, but there's nothing my God CANNOT do. So long as I survive it, I'm already a winner. And I'm already a winner today by not mentioning your name on my blog, not cursing you, and accepting whatever you say. If I love God, this is what I should do. This is what I'm doing.
Mr Chan can decide for his life. I can decide for mine. I no longer care if he's standing on my side. I've already heard my verdict a few days ago. Its okay that I'm disappointed. I have God deciding my life. I don't care if he's seeing this post. SO WHAT?! So what if he's standing on your side, its none of my concern!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 / 6:41 AM
So long as I know.Songs can be good sometimes. Thanks again for the CDs, I promise I'll save up to buy the latest one for myself.
I remember blasting songs from my handphone on your birthday. I'm glad too, that many remember and make it a point to do things which I cannot bring myself to do. I guess it was mixed feelings when I recieved the sms, I did not expect one to come. Still, I was more afraid than anything.
Again, I felt the same way when you came onto the classroom. I felt a pull back, then fear and relief. Though I still felt a tinge of jealousy, and maybe envy, that a year ago, the same thing happened. You called her instead of me. Yet now, I can't even imagine myself talking face to face with you. I remember all the detours i have to make when I see you.
I wonder when will I be able to treat you nomally again, I wonder when you will be able to see through what I pretend to be;
SIMPLY BECAUSE NO ONE DOES.
By the way, F1 has been great (: PLEASE FEED ME WITH YOUR RUBBISH :D Thanks for spending the night with me, Miss Rubbish :D
I've enough of being emotional this whole 2 weeks. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'm quitting. So happy Beatrice is here again :D
Wednesday, September 23, 2009 / 8:59 AM
To Vera Lee Hern Hwei of my class:Thanks for the sms. (: I'm sorry I'm such a bitch today. Maybe its my affected mood since morning. I know its not easy planning, and I'm a bitch to make it worse. But still, I saw your posts and haha, I didn't know my humor worked. So here's a sorry and I hope our mid-autumn thing will be better than fries. (:
To Joey Lye Si Yin of my class:
Thanks for the sms(: I didn't say I want to pangseh you. I just said I hoped to be with Tiange. LOL, don't emo and don't die in an accident.
To Liew KarHui of my class:
Jiayou tommorow, Miss Liew, i know it isn't easy. I'll be there tommorow for you. Get it over and done with and you have my support all the way. (: Remember to pray for the courage to change the things you can!
To the person who bought me the Corinne May CDs:
You're the very best friend I have. Thanks for knowing all my soft spots and giving me my very own mickey surprise (:
To Miss you-know-who-you-are:
I don't know how to cook. Thanks for your belated sms (: Thanks for saying you'll be there tommorow. Thanks for saying its any normal Thursday.
And to YOU:
Thanks for screwing up my day. Thanks for screwing up tommorow.
And to my very dearest God:
Thank you for everyone you have sent during my piano exam. (: Thanks for everything. I love You, I really do. (: Help me tommorow, please.
I'm sorry I was a bitch today, I'm sorry for being a bitch tommorow.
Sunday, September 20, 2009 / 7:51 AM
No, Mr Liar, I don't love you anymore.First of all, I would like to proudly announce that I've broken my campaign because of the West Coast Outing today. When I went up the "whatever you call it" I just kept screaming "OMGs" and "SHIT". Its okay. I still loved the whole outing (; I love the flying fox and piggybacks (:
Secondly, my gratitude goes out to *you know it* for offering comfort when I needed it the most. For listening to all I have to complain about. I am so sorry I couldn't control my emotions. Guess I was just so tired I didn't have the strength anymore. Mr Tan was so funny, he came and randomly said, "She's a good girl." even when he didn't know me. Thank you for agreeing with him and saying he's right, it brought a genuine smile to my face. Thank you for saying one thing that mattered to me the most, "No matter what others' think, you will still be the Beatrice that laughs with me and do crazy stuffs with me." It made me feel "wanted" in Nan Hua. You are a very special girl, so don't be sad anymore. I know God has much better plans for you. (:
I never have remembered crying so much in a day. I felt so shallow, but spending time alone was helpful in a way. I didn't know crying can result in a hangover the next day.
I'm not writing all this to gain compassion, or try to get some people to "sympathize" with me. I don't need all this, especially some people who claim that they are mature. Come on, you're an adult who isn't mature.
I don't know how I'm gona survive. Yet, I know, I just know that nothing will happen on 24.09.09. No, nothing will happen.
Thursday, September 17, 2009 / 7:45 AM
For the liberty of some people, my blog is NOT privated anymore to prove that I am not emotional neither have I contracted some terminal internet disease that keeps you all from reading my blog.I didn't dare to say, but if MrMun ever sees this, then sorry. I guessed I was a little "no manners" again today. Boo.
Anyway, he also said that he read my blog before. Nan Hua teachers are all so... It's all because of slitting. MY FAULT.
Karhui:
Jiayou! It takes time to let go so don't E-M-O. I know you love eating garlic, so eat him all up. :D I totally agree with your prayer in the journal. Haha, His wisdom be upon you (:
Vera:
ARTIST! Don't give up because of one test kay? You're a strong girl I know so this means nothing to you. Smile more okay? Mdm Wang hugged you today.. feel loved! :D
Jethro:
If you already get well then this is quite useless, but GET WELL SOON anyway! Must come to school and don't skip chinese test!
Iris:
Ignore what I asked you today, just me...
My piano exam is coming, but I'm not prepared at all. Music, you caught me offguard. I don't like this. I don't.
For your information, I am not the least bit jealous of YOUR relationship, just don't lead him onto the wrong path, it wasn't easy for him to start off. Stop using my name all the time as a hilarious jealousy joke, please?
Why must I know the truth? This isn't going the way I planned, not my intention. I hate the way the story had to be twisted. Perhaps God is showing all of us something. Like what I've learnt, just wait. Still, I'll continue to pray and pray and pray, all that I can do, in hope that everyone can feel better. I agree with what Crystal says, I feel just like a post-it. God God God, please do something will You?
I can't take rock, heavy metal, or even some pop music, its either I'm yours or not. I've criterias, I hope you respect them. I cannot accept satanic music, I hope you accept that to be my friend. By the way Mr Mun, Tiange doesn't listen to satanic music or heavy metal (:
Monday, July 27, 2009 / 8:30 AM
Happy Birthday!Probably a short one here before I rush to bed. It's quite late already. Happy Birthday mummy! Hope you liked your present. And get well soon mummy and Benjamin :D
Maybe today I'm in a better mood, the chocolate mousse cake did help, chocolate is happy food. Although I didn't score well for my tests today, I knew I've worked hard, and that was all that matters. I sound like a philosopher, thanks to he few people who brainwashed my mind. And before I forget, James is an irritating but funny boy. There, I made my statment (:
Like what I said, I'm beginning to start to accept things, after another huge crying session with me and myself on the bus, I've decided that I have to drop this negative mindset. It's affecting those around me too. I'll try my best to be nice to the people around me, just like Jesus do. I still remember the lyrics!
To change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
